The Barter System Companion: Volume One Page 15

  Tawny was her emergency contact in case of trouble. Riya doubted she’d have trouble, but that’s why they were called emergencies. Her friend was frightened for her but kept it well hidden, knowing doubt only pushed her harder in the direction of her goals – often recklessly.

  They each possessed a prepaid phone that would be their only method of communication if there were to be a problem. She would upload files directly to the website while in the field but couldn’t allow anything else to influence her research.

  The phone already had all the contact information programmed for local cab companies, hospitals, hotels, and airlines in each location, as well as the essential information for each of her subjects.

  Everything she needed for the next three months fit snugly into a large canvas duffle bag. A sturdy backpack from the Army surplus store protected her laptop and held the few personal items she’d be taking with her.

  The next morning, she would leave South Florida, traveling a set itinerary around the country until she reached her final destination in New York City.

  It was the end of August. She estimated she’d arrive at the last location sometime around Halloween. Her first leg of travel was already arranged and her approximate arrivals and departures were coordinated with each subject.

  After a year of planning and months of labor-intensive sorting through thousands of pages of data, there was nothing left to be done.

  Riya was ready.

  Read “The Barter System” by clicking here.

  Being First

  Prologue

  March 2012

  A lot of bullshit brought Sean Denning to the current moment in his life. To a point where his mouse hovered over the submit button on an unorthodox project he’d somehow gotten involved in and couldn’t imagine walking away from now.

  He remembered the first survey on The Barter System website. The questions were clever and he couldn’t seem to stop himself from answering them.

  They made him think and he hadn’t done much thinking about personal shit in a long time.

  For several months, he checked the site regularly, participating in an anonymous doctorate student’s dissertation on male sexuality. Gradually, the questions got harder, more emotional.

  Sean kept going back.

  He stared at the essay he’d written for a woman he now knew was named Riya. He read it again and knew he should change it, make himself look stronger and more confident than he was…but he didn’t.

  For the first time in his life, in regards to a woman, he decided to tell the truth. No smoothing things over. No being a man instead of being human. No falling in with the stereotype men like him fit so comfortably.

  She’d asked, above all else, for him to be honest.

  It was the only thing she wanted. It was damn well going to be what she received.

  The Barter System Essay Instructions:

  Please write an essay about one intangible thing that would change your life for the better if you were in possession of it. Complete all personal information. All essays are confidential – as is every piece of data shared by participants. Spelling, grammar, and technical writing are unimportant. The end result is what counts. ~Riya

  ESSAY

  Subject Name: Sean

  Subject Age: 37

  Subject Career: Internet Entrepreneur

  Marital Status: Divorced

  Children (Y/N): N

  Annual Income: $150K

  Location: Orlando, FL

  Hi, Riya:

  I’m not sure where to start, how to start. You asked me to write an essay on the one thing that would fulfill my life. I wish I could.

  From the outside, I don’t lack for anything.

  I’m not “rich” by society standards but I have what I need, more than most. I didn’t have a shitty childhood, I’m ex-military, white, straight, and male.

  You can’t get much more “golden boy” these days than that. I have nothing to complain about any day of the week. I’m not persecuted or considered unequal to another race or gender. I’ve never been the victim of discrimination, profiling, or sexual assault.

  I should be happy. I should sit back, shut the fuck up, and count my blessings. Most days, I do just that. I know how lucky my circumstances make me.

  So when I think about how miserable I am, I feel ashamed. I don’t think I have a right to complain. I don’t have any business bitching about not having a cherry on my mega-sundae.

  Over the last two years, I’ve buried myself in my business. I’ve eaten when I was hungry and gotten laid when I was horny. My business has grown. I haven’t grown as a human being since I was fifteen.

  I’m pushing forty and I wonder if I’ll still be missing this nameless thing when I’m fifty or sixty years old. If I’ll reach the end of my life with an unanswered question about what the fuck I want.

  No doubt, I’ve made mistakes. I’ve taken wrong turns and screwed people over I cared about, without suffering any consequences.

  What do I want, Riya?

  To have something matter. To have to fucking work for something rather than having it handed to me. To earn trust, loyalty, and love and remain worthy of it.

  I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I have no idea why I’m dissatisfied with my life.

  I guess your project is making me confront it and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. People get turned around, you know? Even golden boys like me.

  Sean

  Before he could second-guess himself, he submitted the fucking thing. He couldn’t imagine why a woman like Riya would bother with a man like him. He’d done some checking, worried in the beginning she was some sort of con artist.

  She was pretty, wealthy in her own right, and clearly brilliant.

  Stepping away from his computer, he headed to the kitchen to make a snack. Standing at the sliding door, he stared out over the yard and the lake beyond, seeing nothing.

  He wasn’t sure how much time passed.

  For a few minutes, he thought about driving out to visit his mom but remembered it was the night for her book club.

  There was a brief idea to hang out with his younger brother but Mark started dating a girl from one of his classes and they were pretty hot and heavy.

  He had friends but he didn’t feel like drinking. There were women’s numbers in his phone he could call for a brief hookup but it seemed like more trouble than it was worth.

  In the end, he made himself food and turned in early, watching an old movie on cable until he fell asleep.

  His was a charmed life. The feeling that he was waiting for something would pass.

  Surely, it would pass.

  Chapter One

  August 2012

  As Sean steered his boat away from the marina where he left the incomparable Riya O’Connell after their assigned week together, he felt as if he was going to shake apart on the inside.

  He was conflicted, upset, even partially angry.

  He wasn’t in love with Riya. His brain didn’t work on love at first sight bullshit. The way she made him feel during their few days together, the way she blossomed right in front of him…that he could grow to love.

  She wasn’t in love with him either, even though he knew she was hurting. A woman like her, with a heart so big, he imagined the entire project was going to rip her apart.

  For the first time in his adult life, he shared consistent space with a woman in his home for days on end.

  Slept beside her, woke up beside her, ate together, talked – god, how they’d talked, had incredible sex, and laughed more than he’d laughed in years.

  A woman he’d only known in the real world for a week gave him a glimpse of what it was he was missing.

  The answer shocked him but Riya probably wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest.

  After a lifetime spent in the company of others, his brief marriage, his years in the military, his social life afterward, and one year of being encouraged to stop and actually think about who he wa
s and what he wanted, Sean came to grips with the fact that he was lonely.

  He wanted something in his life he could feed and water and encourage to grow. He wanted a woman to look at him and see the man she’d been missing.

  He wanted to look at a woman and think, “I need this person in my life.”

  No matter how many women he’d held, he never needed them and they hadn’t needed him.

  The first time he touched Riya, he knew she was afraid. Every inch of her broadcasted her insecurity and her worry he thought negatively about her research.

  About her as a woman for doing it.

  That he picked up on a lover’s needs emotionally was new for him. That he worked to ease her mind and her heart made him feel incredible.

  In the moment, present, seeing her as a person he’d grown to like and respect changed everything.

  When he was married, he spent no time at the home they bought together. A weekend sometimes, but mostly, Laura traveled to him and booked a hotel.

  He’d given his marriage none of his attention. In fact, he treated it as something disposable, replaceable.

  Young and dick dumb, without the emotional development to understand there was another person involved in the equation, he married because it was something to check off the list. He was supposed to get married so he got married.

  Everything about his experience with Riya was different. She arrived specifically to communicate with him, to connect at an emotional level he was unaccustomed to and it shook him up in more ways than one.

  They were two grown people with no expectations, excellent chemistry, and more than enough topics of conversation.

  He thought about their time together as he reached open water and turned his boat toward home.

  The isolation of the trip home would give him time to review every moment they spent together. He hoped those moments helped her, made her strong.

  He also hoped she didn’t quit.

  For a little while, he’d been unable to hide his jealousy that other men were going to experience some of the same things he did with her.

  Again, he noticed her fear, shame, and uncertainty. Emotions a woman should never feel about herself.

  Riya O’Connell changed his life.

  When he got home, when the strange shaking inside him eased up, he would send her a message and thank her for the opportunity, for her time with him, for opening his eyes to parts of himself he ignored for too long.

  As he increased his speed, he slipped shades over his eyes and smiled. The other subjects involved in her study had no clue what was about to go down.

  He wished them luck.

  They were going to need it.

  Chapter Two

  Three days later…

  Sean was finally settling back into his skin after the whirlwind week he spent with Riya.

  He thought about her often and hoped she was being treated well. His worry over her emotional state when he left her on the dock bothered him almost constantly.

  It was time to get back to work. He picked up his usual routine and ran with it.

  Alyssa showed up like clockwork, looking fresh and stunning in a slim business suit, heels, with her blonde hair pulled into a low ponytail. He braced himself for her smile. It always hit him right in the gut and this time was no different.

  It never failed to make him hard and a little breathless.

  She made coffee and laid several files out for him to review before heading out to meet with two of his clients.

  Naturally personable and articulate, he wouldn’t trust anyone else to meet with the people who made his business possible.

  He would continue to receive emails while she was gone because the woman could multi-task like no one he’d ever met.

  As he inhaled the gentle scent she always left behind, he traced the notes she clipped to the outside of each file.

  Her handwriting was beautiful.

  Sighing at his juvenile foolishness, he slipped on reading glasses, powered up his laptop, and dived into work built up over his week off.

  Several hours into conference calls, security checks, and a website overhaul, Sean’s phone vibrated on his desk. He almost dropped it in his rush to pick it up.

  “Hi, Sean.”

  “Alyssa. Everything alright?”

  “Do you know a reputable mechanic?”

  “What happened? Are you stranded?”

  “Unfortunately, yes. I’m a few blocks from Universal. I’m absolutely fine so don’t worry. I want to give the tow truck driver an address of a good shop when he gets here.”

  He was locking his front door and striding for his Explorer in the driveway within seconds. “I’m on my way.”

  “You don’t have to do that, Sean!” She sounded genuinely upset to have inconvenienced him. “I shouldn’t have bothered you. Your schedule this week is outrageous!”

  “It’s no bother. I don’t like you sitting on the highway alone. I can drive you home after the wrecker drops off your car.”

  They spent his twenty-minute drive discussing the noises her car made before it simply stalled getting on the highway and refused to restart. She guided it to the shoulder, out of traffic.

  After looping around, he found her car and took in the sight of the woman who haunted him more nights than he cared to admit leaning against it.

  Parking behind her, he got out and squashed every physical reaction she inspired.

  “I appreciate this, Sean. I’m sorry you came all the way out here.” She tossed her phone through the open window on the seat and sighed. “I can work the web like nobody’s business but let my car do something weird and I’m lost.”

  “You can’t be a pro at everything.” He pointed at her little BMW. “I’d take a look but end up saying stupid shit like, if this was an American car, I could figure out the problem…or, I remember the days when cars didn’t have these fancy computers.” She laughed and he shook his head. “I’ll contain myself and allow mechanics with computer science degrees to do their thing.”

  Crossing her arms and relaxing against the trunk, she asked gently, “How do you feel, Sean?”

  “I’m good.”

  “You look refreshed but a little off-balance.”

  For a long moment, he stared at her. Finally, he joined her in leaning on the car and stared at the passing traffic.

  “The…experience was unique.” Turning to look at her, he added, “It wasn’t all sex or anything.”

  “I didn’t think it was. Riya is incredibly smart. I imagine such a project would be life-changing for everyone involved.”

  He nodded absently. “It was. I think I see myself and my life differently than before she arrived.”

  “That’s a good thing, right?”

  Meeting her pretty blue-green eyes in a face that always reminded him of Grace Kelly, he smiled. “It’s a good thing.”

  “Then Riya and her project made a positive impact. Any impetus for positive change should be welcomed. So many people are afraid of change but I love it. I adapt easily, roll with new information.” She shrugged. “It comes from having a mom who uprooted us every few months when I was a kid. Nothing really ruffles me.”

  “What a great attitude. I tend to resist change.”

  “Embrace it. There’s nothing more exciting.” Glancing at the lanes of traffic, she stood. “Tow truck is here.”

  Within a few minutes, the tow truck driver had Alyssa’s car hooked up, took all her insurance information, and made a note of the garage she wanted to use. He climbed up in the cab without a word and drove away.

  “Let’s not lose him. Damn, did he even speak a full sentence?” Sean started his SUV and sped into traffic, soon catching up to the slower moving wrecker.

  “Maybe but he’s clearly not a man into conversation. At least he didn’t give off a murder vibe.”

  “Murder vibe?”

  “Yeah, those guys who give you this feeling they’d really enjoy raping you, dismembering your body, an
d dumping you in a remote location.”

  “How…awful.”

  She laughed. “All part of having lady parts in a man’s world. It’s why I keep pepper spray and my little knife in my purse at all times. Mom was a cut first and ask questions later kind of woman. She’s a riot.”

  “Where does she live?”

  “Earlier this year, she married a nice man out in Ocala. They raise pigmy goats and meditate. When I go to visit, she shakes her head at the phone I have in my hand most of the time. She’s not big into tech but the organic tomatoes from her garden are unreal.”

  “She’d probably get along great with my mom.”

  “Agreed. Diana’s fantastic. I’m in her book club.”

  Turning his head, he raised his brow. “I didn’t know that.”

  How had he not known his mom spent time with the personal assistant he consistently jacked off to, knowing it was wrong and not caring?

  Alyssa shrugged. “She asked and since we love the same books, I knew I’d enjoy it. Oh, he’s getting off the highway.”

  Sean followed the wrecker to the garaged and watched as the man backed the car into a space and disconnected it. Alyssa signed his paperwork and he was gone with a small salute.

  “Man of few words. To a degree I didn’t know existed.” She laughed and wrote a quick note to the mechanic that included her cell phone number. Taking everything out of her car, she put the keys and note in the night drop.

  “Have you eaten?” The question was out of his mouth before he realized he planned to ask it. He resisted babbling in nervous explanation.

  “I was going to pick something up on the way home.”

  Time spent in Alyssa’s presence was sweet torture. She always smelled vaguely of lemons. Casual, act like her damn boss.

  “We should stop. That new seafood place finally opened in Altamonte Springs. I’ve heard it’s good.”

  “That would be awesome. I’m starving.”

  During the duration of the drive, he turned the conversation to business. He wanted to set the tone for dinner.

  He wasn’t crossing any lines.

  * * *

  Later that night, as Sean stared up at the ceiling with his arms folded behind his head, he thought about how pretty Alyssa looked in the restaurant lighting.