Run To You: The Damaged Series - Book Four Read online

  “I’m sorry, Nina. Everything went straight to hell.” He wiped his face before putting the truck in gear. “One day, I’ll find a way to fix it. Until then, I’ll try to become the man she always thought I was.”

  Ten minutes later, Gage pulled into the bus station as Rowan’s bus left for Austin.

  “She’s gone,” he whispered. “Really fuckin’ gone, Nina.”

  Staring at the back of the bus as it chugged down the street, Nina said, “Not forever. Not if we work hard.” He turned to look at her with a frown. “I thank you...for our time together, Gage. From the start, it was Rowan you touched and I understand.”

  She leaned close and held the back of his head, kissing him deeply. He moaned into her mouth as she used every skill she’d ever learned.

  Pulling back, she whispered at his ear, “That one is from Rowan.” Pressing her lips to the warm skin of his cheek, she murmured, “That one is from me. Goodbye, Gage.”

  She hopped from the cab, grabbed her bag, and waved as she walked into the bus station.

  Already, she’d fulfilled one request Rowan made. Nina kissed Gage goodbye twice.

  Once for Rowan.

  Once for herself.

  The rest of the things in her letter were going to take a little longer.

  Nina wouldn’t stop until she had accomplished all of them.

  Chapter Two

  1997 - Age 20

  Nina was conflicted.

  She was always conflicted but managed to fake it like the excellent actress she was.

  Isaiah Zelder was good for an escort to an industry affair, never failed to please in bed, and knew how to treat a woman right in every way.

  He came from a dynasty that made money all day long. He and his brother owned the theater where Nina had worked for two years - first as a backup dancer and then as a female lead. She knew her own actions led to his need to have an intervention.

  Naturally, Nina was sure to sabotage anything real with the man at every given opportunity. The moment he seemed to look at her as more than a fling, she ran.

  After shutting down on him for the fourth time in a year, he took her aside with a frown following rehearsals one day.

  “I will never, ever judge you, Nina. You’re beautiful, smart, and incredibly talented. A kinder human than you allow anyone to know.” His huge hand cupped her shoulder. “You’re also hurting so bad on the inside that you’re looking for people to hurt you on the outside. I know we’ve never been serious but...I don’t want anything to happen to you. You need to talk to someone before you self-destruct.”

  The way he said it…

  The way he looked at her…

  The way it made her feel at the core of herself…

  Wiping angrily at tears she despised, Nina nodded. “Alright.”

  Withdrawing a card from his pocket, Isaiah held it out. “Call her and dump all your shit in someone else’s lap...let her sort it out. You deserve better than you’re giving yourself.”

  Reaching up, she hugged him hard. It wasn’t easy since he was six-six. “Thanks, Isaiah. For everything. I hope you get a fuck ton of good karma for all the kindness and shit you put out in the world.”

  He squeezed the breath out of her and returned her to her feet. “You get straight and come on back.” He wiggled his dark brows. “You’re like an adventurous harpy.”

  Hand on her hip, she said in a clipped British accent, “I’m offended. Harpies were hideous and rather wicked. Also, I will never sully your prestigious line with my common blood, Mr. Zelder.”

  His smile faded and she knew she owed him more.

  “B-being honest, there are things in my past...there would be no way to hide them if someone went digging. I like you, Isaiah. Your family name goes back generations and we both know nothing is ever truly buried.”

  There was a deep crease between his eyes as he considered her words. “Nina. Have you been protecting me?”

  Arching one brow, she said, “You’re a fucking teddy bear. Happily skipping through the world with laughter and throwing money at people. You have no idea what a shit storm someone like me would represent to your calm existence. I protect you from who I know I am, not who you think I am. There’s a canyon of space between the two, Isaiah.” She patted his chest and winked. “I can’t tell you how much I loved walking on the wild side with you though.”

  “Hmm,” he said gruffly. “Little bitty thing like you protecting me. It’s ludicrous.” He blew her a kiss and headed upstairs to the sound booth. Over his shoulder, he said, “Get straight and come on back, Nina. Enough money insulates you from everything.”

  As he disappeared, she murmured, “Not from my past, Isaiah. All the money in the world couldn’t protect you from that.”

  Grabbing her bag, she walked across town to her little one-room walk-up. She could afford to upgrade to a better place but didn’t because she liked the bodega downstairs.

  Dropping her stuff on the sleeper sofa that took up most of the apartment when it was open, she stared at the card Isaiah gave her: Dr. Kelley Hawkins, Psychologist.

  Sticking it to her slim fridge with a magnet, she showered, made a quick salad with tuna, and stared at the black paper rectangle while she ate at the narrow bar that served as her dining room.

  Lifting the phone off the cradle, Nina dialed the number listed and a cheerful voice answered, “Hello! This is Dr. Hawkins’ office. How can I help you?”

  Clearing her throat, the words dried up in her mouth. Her lips parted but nothing came out. It didn’t even feel like she was breathing.

  The woman on the other end said gently, “My name is Sophie. I’m Dr. Hawkins’ assistant. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. If you’d like to come in,” there was a pause as pages turned in the background, “the doctor had a cancellation tomorrow afternoon. It’s her last appointment of the day so no one would be around. You’re welcome here. If you’d like us to prove that, come in at four-thirty tomorrow and the doctor can introduce herself.”

  Nina hung up and stared at the phone as her body shook.

  “No way. I can’t.”

  The following day, she went home after rehearsals and paced her apartment in agitation after her shower and lunch.

  “I-I need to walk…”

  She grabbed her bag and ran downstairs. Walking rapidly, tuning out the other pedestrians, Nina made it to the psychologist’s office at four-twenty. She stared at the building, frozen in confusion.

  A voice said cheerfully beside the door, “Hello. I’m Sophie. I think we talked yesterday.”

  Nina glared at the petite redhead and snapped, “You seriously greet potential patients on the street alone? This is New York, not Mayberry. I could be a serial killer, for fucks’ sake.”

  The woman laughed. “You’re fabulous already.” She approached Nina and held out her hand. “Sophie Hawkins. Dr. Hawkins is my aunt.”

  Thrown off balance, Nina shook her hand. “Nina Adams.”

  “Come on up, Nina Adams. I’ll pretend I don’t recognize your name or face from the dozen times I’ve seen your latest play.” Nina’s eyes widened. “Confidentiality from the moment you dialed the office yesterday. Come meet Aunt Kelley. She’s a huge fan.” Holding the door wide, pale blue eyes stared up at her. “That doesn’t mean she won’t be the person you need to talk to. Meet her. You’ll see.”

  Nina stepped into a gorgeous lobby and followed the shorter woman to the bank of elevators. The strange assistant hummed a show tune under her breath.

  As the doors opened, Sophie turned to her and grinned. “You don’t seem the type but...try not to stare.” They crossed the hall and the redhead held the door for Nina.

  On the other side of the room, a child turned and then she realized it wasn’t a child but a little person. With bright red hair and pale blue eyes like her niece, the woman threw her arms wide and sang Nina’s opening song in the current play loudly and with obvious adoration.

  Her pitch was perfe
ct.

  In awe, Nina said, “Your voice is beautiful…”

  The woman snorted and grabbed a cane to walk across the room. “If I’d ever passed three-six, perhaps I could have had a career playing children. As it was, I decided to tap dance my way through the human mind.” She had the barest trace of Irish in her voice. In front of Nina, she smiled up at her and extended the hand not holding the cane. “Kelley Hawkins, Miss Adams. We adore your work.”

  “Thank you. Please call me Nina.” Nina took her hand, smiled, and intended to discuss their obvious love of the theater.

  Instead, she crumpled into wracking sobs. Covering her face, her entire body shook.

  “Oh, you darling girl. Come, come. Sophie, get our guest a nice cup of tea and some biscuits. Thank you, dear. Come with me, Nina. Let’s get you settled so you can breathe a minute.” She patted Nina’s lower back as she gently guided her into a separate office. “Sit in this nice chair, so comfy. You pretend you’re in your own living room. Kick your shoes off if you like and use that soft throw if you need it.”

  “I-I…” Gasping, there was a fresh wave of tears.

  “Not a word today if you don’t wish it, Nina. Let’s sit together with some tea like old friends, yes?”

  “Yes, I’m s-sorry…” Nina wasn’t able to finish her sentence.

  “Ssh, darling. Tsk, tsk. Such pain we carry around, so heavy on our shoulders, so heavy on our hearts. No one realizes they can set it down. We strap it to our bodies, you see? Strap it tight so it doesn’t fall off. We guard it like a treasure when it’s really a curse. I like to think that everyone gets to a point where they realize there’s a ripcord on pain - like a parachute. You let it flare out, get big like it has to, get safely to the ground, and let it go.”

  Sophie placed a small tray on the table beside Nina. It held fresh tea, a plate of cookies, and a box of tissue.

  “Give a call if you need anything, Auntie.”

  “You’re a good girl, Sophie. Don’t set a timer today.”

  The young woman smiled. “Of course not. Take your time. I’ll read my book while I wait...I’m at a good part.” With that, she pulled the door closed softly.

  Nina wiped her face and met Kelley’s eyes. “I apologize.”

  “For feeling? There’s no need to apologize for wincing at pain. Even old pain oozes blood sometimes.” She used a small step and sat in a similar chair on a smaller scale a couple of feet from Nina. “Sophie makes the tastiest biscuits with dark chocolate and almonds. I eat far too many and don’t care even a little. Eat, darling. Sip your tea. Just sit and be. You’ll know when you’re ready to talk. If it’s not today, that’s alright, too.”

  For fifteen minutes, Nina stared at a statue beside Kelley’s chair while she sipped her tea and tried to calm a tidal wave of emotion she’d never experienced.

  The figurine of a dancer mid-turn, her arms wide, was made of a brilliant white stone with small flecks of black in the grain.

  Finally, she met Kelley’s pale blue eyes and set down her teacup. “I’ve hurt others...all my life.”

  “Do those moments come back to you often?”

  “E-every day, every night. Whenever I’m alone.” Swallowing hard, she whispered, “I try to never be alone.”

  Tugging down an identical throw blanket to the one on Nina’s chair, Kelley tucked it around herself and returned to sipping her tea.

  “Tell me the story of you, Nina. Every moment of beauty, horror, love, and hate that brought you to a place where you’re ready to pull the ripcord. One word at a time, let’s bring it out, flare it wide, so you can leave it behind you.”

  “I don’t think...I can be fixed. I’m irreparably broken.”

  “You’re not broken, darling. Simply bruised up. You have an indomitable will to survive, to keep going. A survivor is battered...only those who have lost all hope are broken.”

  With multiple starts and stops, stumbling over words, and shedding more tears in her first appointment with Kelley Hawkins than her entire life combined, Nina began her story.

  For the first time, she told another person who she was...every dark and dirty piece. She talked for two hours that late afternoon, with Kelley prodding her when she hesitated.

  As Nina pressed her hand to her chest, out of words for the moment, Kelley climbed down from her chair and walked to her new patient.

  Placing her hand on Nina’s forearm, the psychologist said, “What a spectacular human you are, darling.”

  It was the last thing Nina expected the woman to say. “What?” she asked softly.

  “Truly spectacular.” She nodded with a smile. “I can’t wait for you to see it. Tell me you’ll come back, darling. We’ve only gotten through a very little bit.”

  Nodding, Nina whispered, “I’ll come back.”

  Staring at her with a gentle smile, she asked, “Would it be terrible to ask for a little piece of the chorus? I do so love the theater. Isaiah and Ezra created a special chair so I can see over the balcony...such good men.”

  Placing her hand over the much smaller one, Nina said, “Only if you sing it with me.”

  Blushing, Kelley nodded.

  They sang the entire opening song together and another that Nina knew was wildly popular with theatergoers.

  As they drew it to a close, Sophie clapped from her place in the doorway. She blotted her tears. “I couldn’t resist when I heard you singing. I hoped that was a good sign for the session.”

  “Yes,” Nina told her while staring at the woman who might be able to help her. “It’s a wonderful sign.”

  Kelley’s therapy techniques were unconventional but there was no doubt they worked. By the end of her first year of sessions, Nina could sleep more than four hours a night.

  She’d also written letters of contrition to Miss Jeffries, Gage, and Rowan - along with other people in her life Nina felt had suffered because of her existence. She didn’t put return addresses on any but Rowan’s.

  A tiny part of her hoped Rowan would find her.

  The bigger part of her knew it was a foolish hope.

  Every once in a while, she dreamt about her best friend. In it, Rowan was a little girl running from her own terror...her life derailed even further by meeting Nina on that sidewalk so many years before.

  No matter the number of hours spent in Kelley’s office, it was the only nightmare she could not shake.

  A reckoning was long overdue. Nina wondered if she would survive Rowan learning another awful truth about the girl she’d treated like a sister.

  It was a secret that could not stay hidden forever.

  Chapter Three

  2001 - Age 24

  Rowan had dropped off the face of the world.

  She finished college but didn’t walk the stage. Letters that Nina continued to send weren’t being returned, but there was no forwarding address listed with her former university. Miss Jeffries spoke to her every week like clockwork but didn’t know where she was or what she was doing.

  Nina needed to know that Rowan was alright.

  Following a performance that called for three standing ovations, she paced the backstage area frantically.

  Isaiah murmured to two men he’d been walking with and approached her alone.

  “What is it, Nina? What’s happened?”

  “I...it’s probably nothing. I’m overreacting.” Twisting her hands together, she struggled with what to tell him. “My-my friend…”

  “Rowan?” Nina nodded. “Is she alright?”

  “I don’t know. That’s the thing. She’s one of those people who’s had a plan since she was twelve. Top school, perfect grades, corporate job counting other people’s money. She didn’t walk the stage for her graduation. It’s not unusual for her to avoid fanfare but...she didn’t give anyone a forwarding address. That’s not like her. Not with Miss Jeffries...”

  One of the two men behind Isaiah cleared his throat. “Miss Adams, perhaps I can be of assistance.”

  Nina stared
into silver-gray eyes and narrowed hers in suspicion. “In what way?”

  “I’m rather good - my company, I should say - is rather good at locating people. What’s her name?”

  “Rowan. Rowan Foxe.”

  The man’s eyes widened and then he schooled his expression. “I’ll see what I can find.” Crossing his hands behind his back, he stared at her intently. “I asked Isaiah for an introduction. My name is Harper Delkin.”

  Hand on her hip, she glanced at Isaiah and he arched his brow. “You love to bring the biggest donors backstage.” She gestured down her body, clad only in a nude leotard. “As if I can’t see what you’re doing, you scoundrel.”

  “I feel strangely like a pimp…”

  “Are you asking for charity checks again, Isaiah?”

  He grinned. “I’m always asking for checks. The world turns ever onward and the number of people who need help grows by the day. However, I’d never farm you out to get them.”

  Waving her hand, she smiled. “I don’t understand why you introduce me. I’m horrific and you know it.”

  “It’s your burden to bear that you’re uncommonly beautiful and almost supernaturally talented. They always request you and I attach an appropriate warning label. Play nice for five minutes, Nina.”

  “Fine.” She stared at Harper Delkin intensely. “Men who wear seven thousand dollar suits, are accompanied by a bodyguard, and request introductions typically believe I’ll fuck them for trinkets. I don’t need or want trinkets. However, I’d fuck you to find my friend.” She met the eyes of the man who stood at his shoulder. “Who are you?”

  The lean blonde stepped around Harper. His green eyes were bright, focused on her, and he felt strangely familiar. “My name is Elijah Eklund. You don’t need to fuck anyone to find your friend.”

  “Are you a man with scars, Mr. Eklund?”

  “More than you can possibly imagine, Miss Adams.”

  “Do I strike you as one with scars?”