Obsession: The Hollow Universe Read online

  Leaning heavily on the cool marble, I looked at Hyde’s face behind mine. To me, he was the perfect blend of everything I admired in a man.

  He was six-two, leanly muscled. His hair was shaggy. It was light brown in the winter, golden blonde in the summer. His eyes changed colors depending on what he wore.

  He had to shave twice a day to keep his jaw smooth but I liked it when he only shaved once. He had a dusting of stubble over his jaw and around his mouth.

  He had multiple scars and he was serious almost all the time. I rarely saw him smile but when he did, there were dimples in his cheeks.

  I’d seen him run, fight, and shoot. He never, ever lied to me and he always made me feel safe.

  Everything about him screamed danger but I’d run toward him before anyone else if I felt threatened.

  He watched me unblinking in the mirror. My heart rate was too high. I felt dizzy and strange.

  I said the words I owed him, words I should’ve said weeks before but didn’t know how. “I’m sorry, Hyde. Forgive me.”

  He opened his mouth to respond but I was already gone.

  * * *

  I woke the next morning between clean sheets and in clean clothes. I hurt everywhere. My forearm throbbed like an open wound and my shoulder felt out of place. Pain shot down my leg and my toes were numb.

  I tried to sit up and moaned in agony despite trying to hold it back. Bianca was at the door two seconds later.

  “Jesus, Ellie. You need the pain meds. Let me get them.”

  “No! I can do it. Can you help me to the chair? Fuck!” My eyes shot to Bianca’s. Through gritted teeth, I added, “I’m sorry. It isn’t you. I’m sorry.”

  Bianca helped me sit up. “Ellie, I realize being the resident sweetheart has saturated your entire life but I think you’re allowed some pain-induced fury. It’s understandable.”

  Thirty minutes later I was showered and dressed in cotton shorts and a super soft tank top. The shower was an exercise in pain control. I wasn’t sure whether the droplets on my skin were water or sweat.

  Every movement hurt.

  Padme braided my hair in a thick plait down my back. Inhaling carefully, I nodded and the two women took me into the main room. Fiaaz and Si watched Hyde’s room nervously.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  Bianca pushed me to the seating area and Fiaaz lifted me to the sofa. I couldn’t control the whimper that escaped.

  The blonde whispered, “We need to give you pain medication, Ellie. You can’t sustain this.”

  “I can’t take anything. I won’t. I can handle it.”

  Everyone was on edge and it freaked me out. This group didn’t get edgy. When people with their training tensed up, bad shit went down.

  “Did something happen? Is Hyde…did Hyde leave?”

  Padme lifted my hand and I realized I’d been digging my short nails into the top of my thigh.

  Clearly shocked at the mere suggestion Hyde would quit, Fiaaz said carefully, “Elliana, it’s important you remain calm.”

  He crouched beside me. “There’s a secret we can no longer keep from you because neither of them will stand down. They insist on guarding you around the clock.”

  “I’m not getting between them again,” Si added softly. “This can’t continue. The conflict bleeds into everything around them now. It’s time to relieve the pressure.”

  I rubbed my temples, trying to ease the pain and focus. “I…Fiaaz, I-I get headaches. I don’t understand. Is Hyde angry with me? Who won’t stand down?”

  Breathing too hard, the pain stole my brain function. I wanted to understand what was happening.

  Bianca smoothed my hair away from my damp face. I was slick with sweat again.

  “Ellie, please let us get you something for the pain. Please.” I shook my head once sharply. “Ssh, Ellie, slow your breathing, love. Slow, yes that’s it. Like that. Slow and steady.”

  She took a cup and saucer from Si. I stared at it in suspicion.

  “It’s herbal tea, Ellie. It won’t hurt you or the baby. We wouldn’t let anything happen to your child. It’s a brew Si made. Take small sips to help with the pain.”

  I tried to take it but my hand shook too badly. I was angry at myself, tired of being weak and confused.

  “Tell me what’s going on and I’ll drink the fucking tea! Where’s Hyde? I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’m so sorry.” I didn’t want to cry anymore but couldn’t stop.

  Tears slipped from the corners of Bianca’s eyes. I’d never seen her cry. “No, Ellie. No. It isn’t you. You didn’t do anything.”

  A door opened but I couldn’t move my body to look.

  Hyde came around the end of the couch and I gasped, wincing at his busted lip. I put my fingers over my lips as fresh tears fell.

  The apology was on the tip of my tongue when another Hyde appeared at the first’s shoulder. Above the collar of his shirt, I could see a bandage covering what looked like a gunshot wound. His arm was in a sling.

  I was incoherent with confusion. Rubbing my temple hard, I tried to clear my head. Nothing made sense.

  “G-gunshot wound? I-I don’t remember…”

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes while I gathered my thoughts. Opening them, I lifted my head.

  There were two Hydes.

  One version had a busted lip. I put it there in the middle of the night. The other’s lips were perfect but he had recent gunshot wounds.

  I whispered brokenly, “Am I losing my mind? Am I even awake?” I shook my head. “How is this possible?”

  Padme said quietly, “They’re twins, Ellie. Jonas and Jordan Hyde.”

  Almost a minute passed in silence while everyone stared at me. They waited for me to react, to say something.

  What could I possibly say?

  I started to laugh hysterically, doubling over as the laughter dissolved into broken sobs that strung my muscles tight.

  They called my mother and cleared the room.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Mom sat on the couch and held me for a long time as I lost my fucking mind.

  Eventually, she helped me lay down and pulled my head into her lap so she could play with my hair. Unbraiding the entire length, she began to plait tiny braids absently.

  I appreciated that she let me calm down completely before expecting me to speak. It took a while.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t someone tell me?”

  She considered her words carefully. “When we searched for your security team, we went through underground channels that would curl your hair, Ellie. We wanted the best of the best for our daughter.”

  Her fingers worked softly, methodically. It was a comforting reminder of my childhood.

  “We needed people with enough experience and ruthlessness to protect you but with enough humanity to understand that their charge was a young woman with a gentle soul.”

  I nodded as my tears fell into her lap. “You found them. Every one of them is lethal yet so kind to me.”

  “The meeting to secure your staff was done at Salt Flats at midnight. Very cloak and dagger. Your father loved it but he’ll never admit such a thing.”

  I tried to smile and failed.

  “Hyde’s name was mentioned to us by three impeccable sources. His entire career, no one knew he was a twin except those at the highest levels of government. His safety and the safety of his missions relied heavily on that secrecy.”

  “It’s been five years, Mom.”

  “We had to keep you safe, Ellie!” She shook her head and I glimpsed the lioness that lived inside her. “I didn’t care about the conditions. Security averted two kidnapping attempts before you even left for school. An heiress, eighteen, a confirmed virgin…the bounty for you was astronomical.”

  My sharp laugh was self-mocking. “Two descriptions which are no longer accurate. I’m nothing more than wealthy used goods now. That should get me off quite a few sites.”

  “Ellie,
that’s so cold.”

  “My life is cold, Mom.”

  She flinched. I slowly sat up, gritting my teeth against the pain. I rubbed my face to clear the hysteria.

  My hair fell around me as I rested my good arm on my good leg and tried to still the raging agony in every cell.

  “They’ve been covering me and changing places for five years. I never even suspected.”

  I had to know, to face it. “What happened that day, Mom?”

  Her eyes went wide. “You don’t know?” I shook my head and she frowned. “You haven’t asked Padme or one of the others?” This time, I was the one who flinched. “You’re embarrassed to ask. Why?”

  “He…they wouldn’t have been hurt if it wasn’t for me.” Mom started to dispute it but I interrupted, “Just tell me.”

  “One of your attackers shot Jordan three times on the other side of the trees with a silenced 9mm. He lost consciousness in a drainage tunnel. You weren’t due back for half an hour.”

  “We missed the check-in and didn’t reappear.” I knew the protocols. “Padme radioed without response.”

  “Yes. Fiaaz and Bianca found Jordan when they got to the park but no one could find you or Jonas. The trackers on your shoes were deactivated. Those animals crushed them and tossed them in the woods.”

  She swallowed hard. “Thankfully, the shooter had terrible aim. He used the entire magazine to bring Jordan down. They scoured the structures and woods where he was found.”

  Mom couldn’t look at me.

  “Jonas was shot with the tranquilizer dart meant for you. They thought they’d already killed him and had no other options. They resorted to hitting you in the head with a rock. Both of you were dragged to the maintenance shed.”

  “I was probably bleeding too much to remove from the park without someone noticing.” My nails gouged my palm. I said numbly, “They’re dead now.”

  “Hyde took Si and hunted them down. They paid them back for what they did to you. Your people wanted to drag out their torture but decided they couldn’t split your staff that long.”

  Her eyes were bright. “They had you for thirty-seven minutes and did as much damage as they could. I told Hyde to make those minutes count.”

  “Why tell me now? They both nearly died…” I rubbed my hand over my heart. The pain there was excruciating and it had nothing to do with my physical injuries. “I’d quit and move on, not reveal my trade secret.”

  Mom snorted. “Yeah, you’d quit. You’ve never quit anything. I’m surprised you know the word.”

  She reached out to smooth my hair. “They can’t hide their distinctive wounds and neither will stand down. They refuse to leave you but you know them too well.”

  “Clearly not, Mom.”

  “Ellie, you know their features, their bodies, probably better than they do.” My face flamed hot. “You would have figured it out almost immediately.”

  “Someone should have told me.”

  “I regret the decision now.” She inhaled deeply. “They didn’t want to tell you while you were in the hospital but we knew it was only a matter of time.”

  Mom stood and went into the kitchen. A minute later, she came back with a glass of orange juice. “You’re still anemic and your blood sugar is shit. Drink up, baby.”

  I took it and considered things. So many things made sense now. Others were far more confusing.

  I’d been in love with Hyde for so long, my heart refused to let him…them go. Even knowing there were two of them.

  I was embarrassed, confused, devastated and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

  Mom and I sat together for an hour in silence. I fought pain that felt like someone was drilling holes in my bones and tried to reconcile my new reality.

  I was a wreck. Physically, emotionally, I was lost.

  Padme tapped softly on the main door before opening it a bit. “I’m sorry to interrupt. Hayden Delkin is here to see Ellie.”

  Mom frowned. “Are you up to that, honey?”

  I thought about the quietest of the four Delkin siblings and nodded. We’d always gotten along. Maybe he could distract me for a few minutes so I could get my bearings.

  My assistant pushed the door wide and stepped aside so Hayden could enter. I glimpsed my team in the hall.

  He wasted no time on pleasantries. Crossing the room, the middle Delkin son passed my mother and knelt in front of me in jeans, a t-shirt, and running shoes.

  “I couldn’t make it last night.”

  “That’s alright,” I told him hoarsely.

  “You’re off pain medication.” I nodded. “It isn’t safe for the baby?”

  “How did you know?” My voice was barely audible. My mother froze beside me.

  He didn’t answer the question. Taking my good hand, he held it gently. “Focus on something. A stationary object. Let’s see if we can get you some control over the pain.”

  For fifteen minutes, he walked me through a profound form of meditation. Similar to what my sensei taught me for years to relax in stressful situations but it dove far deeper.

  I shouldn’t have been surprised that it helped me breathe around the agony but I was.

  “Bring yourself back slowly. Keep that connection to your heart, your breathing. That’s it.” He stroked my hand and I took a deep breath. “It’s not perfect, Ellie. You’re going to suffer until you’re fully healed but it will help.”

  “I can think. I can focus despite the pain.”

  “Keep practicing. You’ll get better at it.” He pushed my hair over my shoulder. “You and I are much the same, Ellie. No matter what we do, we never manage to fit in this world.”

  “I’m trying.” Tears welled in my eyes. “God knows I’m trying. I-I’m a mess.”

  My mother remained still and quiet.

  “There’s a lot to process and you’ve been through hell.”

  “I don’t…remember.”

  “That doesn’t matter. The knowledge is enough to torture you if you let it.” His silver eyes stayed on mine. “Don’t let it. Those animals can’t be allowed to ruin the rest of your life.”

  “D-did you know about H-Hyde?” He nodded slowly. “I feel like such an idiot that I didn’t see it. It hurts that no one told me. I understand why they didn’t but…it hurts.”

  “I’m sorry, Ellie. It’s alright to feel like an idiot when you miss something you think you should have seen. I’ve felt like that often enough.”

  “Why did you come all this way, Hayden? I got the flowers and your beautiful letter.” One corner of my mouth lifted. “Handwritten letters are so rare.”

  “I was out of the country when I heard. I couldn’t leave but I wanted to send you something. I knew you’d need help to manage your pain.” I nodded in sincere gratitude. “I also wanted to tell you something face to face.”

  “What?”

  “I think you should marry me, Ellie.”

  A gasp was the only response from my mom. I didn’t speak.

  “I know you’re terrified about what will happen when you have your baby. I don’t have Harper’s reputation or Harrison’s husband.” I smiled softly. “My name would protect you in a different way than your parents can. It would be my honor.”

  His offer didn’t surprise me. I squeezed his hand.

  “You’re an incredible man and if I loved you or you loved me, I’d have no trouble saying yes.” I shook my head. “Love isn’t possible between us. You’ll always love her and I-I can’t love anyone else. It would be an easy path to marry you but it would break us both in the end.”

  Blinking back tears that filled my eyes, I added in a whisper, “Thank you for asking me…with everything.”

  Lifting his body, he took me carefully in his arms and held me as I cried brokenly against his shoulder. He rubbed my back and whispered soothingly at my ear.

  Eventually, I calmed and he leaned back to kiss my forehead, my cheeks, and my lips softly. “If you change your mind, I’m here. I don’t d
eny your reasons but I think we could work around them.”

  Giving him a watery smile, I nodded. “Have you eaten?”

  “Not yet. Perhaps we can scare up some leftovers?”

  I laughed at the memory of Hayden happening upon me when I was lost in the Delkin house as a little girl. I’d gone to the bathroom and got turned around.

  On his way to the kitchen for a snack, he invited me along and held my hand. He made us sandwiches and poured glasses of milk. We enjoyed our late-night meal at the big counter together. I made him laugh so hard that he snarfed milk through his nose.

  When I was done, he led me back to the room I couldn’t find and tugged my pigtails.

  For years, I pretended he was the big brother I didn’t have.

  “I think I can arrange that,” I said.

  He helped me into my chair and led the way from the apartment to the lower floors.

  My team followed in confused silence.

  Hayden walked me through another session of meditation when the pain started to swamp me again. Then he brushed a kiss over my lips and took his leave.

  Focusing on my mother as the front door closed behind the only man to ever propose to me, I whispered, “Sorry, Mom. I couldn’t do it.”

  I rubbed my temple tiredly. “I need to lay down for a few hours. I can’t deal with the rest right now. I need…to process. I don’t know what to say yet.”

  Without a word, Padme and Bianca returned me to my apartment and helped me into bed.

  Staring at the design on the tray ceiling above me, I picked a point to focus on and practiced the technique Hayden taught me to ease the pain that kept trying to pull me under.

  It calmed me enough to sleep and that was more than I dared to hope for.

  The rest would still be there when I woke. Two Hydes would still exist, my heart would still be unable to separate them, and the confusion would still make me feel like an immature child.

  All of it would have to wait.

  Chapter Nineteen

  After a long nap, I woke wondering if the morning was a dream. Then I knew it wasn’t.

  My heart ached as much as my healing body. I felt foolish, childish, and undervalued.