Obsession: The Hollow Universe Read online

  For five years, I loved Hyde. A man who was larger than life, deadly and beautiful. I dreamed about him at night and fantasized about him during the day.

  It was his face in my mind when I touched myself. He was the only man I’d ever loved, desired, craved.

  Disciplining myself to hide my feelings, control my reactions, and ignore my desperation made it possible for me to live under the same roof with a man whose voice made me wet, shaky, needy every time I heard it.

  Since I was eighteen, I imagined Hyde as the man who took my virginity. I played out the details in my mind and never failed to climax with a power that stole my breath.

  Everything was different now.

  I felt wrong in my skin, dirty from the touch of three strangers who had no right to touch me.

  They stole more than my physical virginity, they stole my ability to imagine Hyde touching me. They stole my curiosity if he’d want to touch me, kiss me, love me.

  Dealing with the loss of things I never shared with anyone was nothing compared to realizing Hyde was two men and forever out of my reach outside of my personal protection.

  Wiping at tears that slipped into my hair, I forced myself to sit up. Breathing deeply for several minutes, I braced my weight on my good leg and held the footboard of my bed with my good arm to maneuver myself into my wheelchair.

  I wasn’t calling for goddamn help.

  After some time to settle the aftershocks of movement and walking myself through the deeper meditation, I rolled into the bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth, and drag my fingers through my hair.

  It took forever using my good limbs.

  It was time to minimize my vulnerabilities.

  If I could feel stronger, it would go a long way toward reinforcing the walls around my heart.

  A ridiculous expectation but I charged ahead anyway.

  Picking up my cell, I called Theresa’s private number at the mini-lab my parents built down the hall.

  She answered on the first ring. “Ellie! How are you feeling?”

  I got right to the point. “I want the soft casts. I have no mobility and I hate it.”

  The doctor was quiet for a moment. “What’s going on, Ellie? You’re on track to get them off in two weeks.”

  “The last x-rays came back great. Even you were amazed at how fast I’m healing.”

  “That’s true but…”

  “I’ll wear the soft ones longer if you want,” I rushed ahead. “I’ll even wear them to bed if you tell me to. I won’t be able to do my usual stuff like running and riding but it would be great to get in and out of the shower without a production.”

  “Ellie, are you alright?”

  “No.” My voice broke and I hated it. “I’m weak and I’m dealing with a lot of shit right now. I need to feel like I’m in control of something. This is a start.”

  She was quiet for a long time then said, “Alright. I’ll take them off. You follow my instructions to the letter.”

  “I will. I’ll be over in ten minutes.”

  Disconnecting, I made my way into the living area of my suite where my team and my parents sat quietly waiting for me.

  Hyde – both of them – stood when I entered the room.

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “Princess. You look…determined.” I could tell he wasn’t sure what to say after the big reveal about my bodyguard. I imagine Mom clued him in on Hayden’s visit as well. “You okay?”

  “I will be.” Inhaling carefully, I announced, “I’m on my way to Theresa.” I cleared my throat. “The hard casts are coming off today.”

  Everyone shot to their feet and started talking at once. The Hyde brothers remained still and quiet, their eyes on me.

  Padme walked across the room. “You’re not scheduled to have them off for two more weeks at the minimum. What are you doing, Ellie?”

  I held my ground because I needed to get better at it. “Theresa listened to my argument and agreed that I’m healing fast enough to do it now. I’ll use the soft casts longer.”

  “Why? I don’t understand.” I stared at her but didn’t answer. Her eyes widened and she murmured, “You feel weak. You’re trying to regain control.”

  Looking past her to my parents, I said, “I need a powered chair. I can’t use crutches with this arm.”

  “Honey,” my mother whispered worriedly, “it’s too soon to have the casts off. Wait a little and think on it.”

  “Maybe you’re being a little hasty,” my father added.

  “Amazing.” I was hurt and angry. “I can’t even make valid decisions about my own recovery without everyone trying to coddle me. No wonder I’m not in the need to know camp.”

  Shaking my head, I went around my assistant toward the door, using my good limbs to get me there.

  “This is happening. I don’t give a single damn what anyone in this room thinks about it. It’s my fucking body and despite how you treat me, I’m a grown-ass adult.”

  A few feet from the hall, someone took control of the back of my chair. One of the Hydes walked past me to open the door.

  I couldn’t look at them. I couldn’t talk to them.

  The fact that they stepped up to help me accomplish what I needed to do made tears well in my eyes that I fought to keep from falling.

  My pain was slowly climbing and I breathed through it. No one was changing my mind.

  Entering Theresa’s suite with two identical bodyguards was not something the doctor expected. She dropped a tray and stumbled against the counter.

  “What…how in the hell?” Her face paled and she stared back and forth between the brothers.

  “They’re twins!” I said cheerfully. “There are two of them! Isn’t that fascinating?”

  The doctor looked at me, looked at the Hydes, then looked at me again. I could see pieces falling into place in her expression.

  “Ellie…”

  “Theresa. So help me god…do it or I’ll call some quack to do it for me but it’s happening. Right now.”

  The tension in the room was palpable. My mother wrung her hands. My father gripped her shoulders firmly. My staff had no idea what to do or say.

  “Alright. Alright, Ellie.”

  While I waited for her to set up, I looked at my parents. “I need the chair. See if someone can get it here in the next two hours.”

  Mom nodded and took out her phone to send a text.

  Dad whispered, “I’m sorry, Ellie.”

  Keeping my attention fixed on the wall, I replied, “Don’t worry about it. It’s a shock but nothing I can’t roll with because I’m Ellie. Sweet, forgiving, and oh-so-polite.”

  Mom’s face was tortured. “Honey…”

  “I need to deal with one thing at a time, Mom. Cast removal is what I’m dealing with right now.” I rubbed my temple and ignored the sweat on my brow from pain. “Just…let me breathe.”

  Everyone remained quiet until Theresa was ready. A young man I’d never seen before entered the room. “This is my assistant Adam. I’ll need his help to remove the casts.”

  Nodding, I locked the chair and stood. Pain arced through my body and I froze, holding myself up with my good arm, all my weight on my uninjured leg.

  “Ellie, I don’t like this,” Theresa said softly. “You’re not ready.”

  “I’m ready.”

  “I can’t numb the pain. The tools…”

  Gritting my teeth, I straightened and reached for the table. Turning, I managed to get one side up which gave me what I needed to make it all the way.

  I was sweating, I was in agony, but I fucking made it.

  “Talk to me like I’m your patient. Not your friend, not your fellow board member, not my parents’ child. Tell me medically why I can’t remove these casts.”

  It seemed the entire room collectively held their breath. After almost a minute, she shook her head.

  “Your bones are knitting together faster than any patient I’ve ever had. Physiologically, your bones are where most pat
ients are further along in their recovery. Outside of the pain of removal due to the other injuries you sustained, there’s no medical reason not to do it now.”

  “Thank you.” My father helped lower me and I stared at the ceiling. “Don’t worry about the pain. I can take it.”

  I added in a tone that broadcasted my anger. “It builds character.”

  Chapter Twenty

  With a nod, Theresa and her assistant prepped to cut the plaster cast away. Slipping goggles in place, she turned on the saw. The buzz was loud in the quiet room.

  Setting the blade against the cast, she got to work.

  The vibration immediately made me clench my jaw so hard my teeth hurt. After thirty seconds, I gripped the edge of the table with a white-knuckled hand and felt sweat pooling between my breasts and soaking my back.

  I stared at an odd fleck of paint on the ceiling, murmuring the meditation to myself, working to gain control.

  Si, Fiaaz, Bianca, and Padme excused themselves to wait outside. I think Padme may have been crying.

  I knew my mother was. She and Dad stood just behind my head. I could hear her soft whimpers as I endured a level of pain I expected but still made me want to scream.

  The Hyde brothers didn’t move from their place beyond Theresa and Adam. I allowed myself a single look, then turned away. Their stress was clearly written in the tightness around their mouths and eyes.

  My own stress was through the roof.

  “Ellie, are you alright?” Theresa wasn’t, I could tell. She blinked rapidly behind her safety goggles.

  “Keep going. I’m okay.” The pain was worth it to gain even a small amount of freedom over my life.

  For twenty minutes, I pretended I didn’t moan like an animal caught in a trap and the tears running from the corners of my eyes didn’t exist.

  Mom wiped them away but I said nothing. I was afraid if I opened my mouth to speak, I’d start screaming and never stop.

  The cast came away and I whimpered in relief. She cleaned my leg thoroughly before attaching the soft cast and boot.

  Bianca tapped softly on the door before opening it and pushing an automated wheelchair inside. “Are you okay, Ellie?”

  I nodded but didn’t verbally respond. I was busy meditating for everything I was worth to calm the residual vibrations of excruciating pain shooting through my leg.

  “Th-that was the worst of it, Ellie. Your arm won’t take as long. Are you sure you want me to keep going?”

  I nodded sharply.

  She smoothed her palm over my wet hair and got to work. The sound of the saw instantly caused my body to tense, my heart rate to climb.

  As the blade made its way to the place where my forearm was broken, my mind couldn’t take another second.

  A hard gasp, a small scream, and I passed out from the pain.

  My mother’s face was the first one I saw when I opened my eyes. Her hands cupped my cheeks and she pressed her forehead to mine.

  “I’m so upset with you, Ellie. This wasn’t necessary, damn it. We should have stopped you.”

  “Mom.” She lifted her face to stare into my eyes. “I love you and I’m so grateful for you.” My smile was tired. “But you’ll never stop me from doing what I need to do again.”

  Raking her fingers through my hair, she whispered, “I’m starting to see that, honey.”

  “The pain was worth it for independence.” I inhaled deeply and took stock. “I hurt but I’ll be able to move. That’s critical right now.”

  My parents helped me sit up and I was dizzy.

  “I need a minute.” I breathed through the nausea. When I could speak without throwing up, I asked for a sheet to throw over my new chair. “I’m soaked with sweat.”

  I made small talk with Theresa and her assistant to avoid interacting with my parents or my team.

  Adam was cute enough but my jaded mind considered him too young to take seriously. He flirted like a man who didn’t get out much. I listened to his blathering with half my brain, a polite but distant smile on my face.

  My true thoughts were focused on the puzzle of Hyde.

  More than anything, I felt like an idiot, like I was too stupid to figure out the person living in my house, protecting me day and night was not one person but two.

  I wondered how I’d been so blind.

  I wasn’t angry as much as I was achingly sad and disappointed. I considered Hyde my friend above and beyond the fact that I loved him. I let myself think I was more than a job.

  Not being trusted with something so elemental meant I was wrong. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit how much that hurt.

  Donning the cheerful persona I reserved for the world outside my inner circle, I shined it on everyone in the room.

  Chatting, laughing to hide how destroyed I felt.

  I maintained a brittle smile while Adam flirted, Padme answered my questions about the foundation, and Mom filled me in on upcoming events.

  She was as anxious to fill the silence and gloss over the awkwardness as I was. “We have a few things on the calendar next year, Ellie. When you’re back on your feet, we should go shopping. Spend astronomical amounts of money on clothes, shoes, and ridiculous accessories.”

  “Sure. Whatever you want, Mom.”

  My security team exchanged glances with my mother and I realized I’d gone too far in being biddable and polite.

  I hated shopping. Loathed it, in fact.

  I refused to shop anywhere but online and there was a woman on retainer who came to the house for formal gown fittings.

  My team frowned at me.

  My parents frowned at me.

  My doctor frowned at me.

  Adam smiled like a half-wit. I sighed and wondered why I couldn’t find the young man attractive.

  On an analytical level, I recognized he was physically attractive but even considering sitting together to watch a movie annoyed me.

  I pictured him taller and buffer with a gun in his hand. Slightly better but he looked uncomfortable holding it.

  I’m pathetic.

  When everything was done on my arm, I sighed in relief. “Much better. Lighter, not so rigid. I can actually scratch when an itch gets too bad.” I tested my mobility. “Thanks.”

  Theresa managed, “You’re welcome, Ellie. Please don’t make me regret it.”

  Adam came around to help me off the table and into my new chair. He gave my waist a squeeze before letting me go and I growled under my breath.

  I barely restrained myself from hitting him in the face.

  Hyde tensed, Padme hissed, and I plastered a grim smile that was all teeth on my face.

  Adam didn’t notice. He thought I found him awesome.

  Theresa outlined what I could do with the new casts in place. “I’ll order a couple more so we can change them out.”

  Nodding, I tested the new chair to get the hang of it.

  “What about your pain medication, Ellie? Are the milder versions working?”

  I looked her directly in the eye and lied. “I’m fine. They’re great. I’ll keep you posted. Thanks again.”

  When I was free to go, Hyde opened the door and I made my way to my apartment. “I’m gross and need to shower. Food is becoming a pretty desperate situation, too.”

  “I’ll make sure everything is ready for dinner when you come down. Have a shake in the meantime.”

  My parents came around the front of the chair when I was in my suite. “Honey, I’m sorry about…everything.”

  “I know. I’ll get over it. I’ll see you downstairs.”

  Bianca went to the bathroom with me. The new casts didn’t make wet surfaces any less dangerous right now. She unstrapped the boot and casts to help me undress.

  “Ellie. Are you alright?”

  The way she asked told me she was concerned about more than my bones.

  I stilled. “No, but I will be. I need time to adjust.”

  “I’m sorry no one told you. Truly.”

  With a shrug
, I let her help me to the chair in the large shower stall. “It doesn’t matter now.”

  Sighing, she stepped back. “I’ll leave you to it.”

  When she was gone, I sat under the water for a long time. It felt amazing to have it all over me again.

  There was pain but I could use my limbs again and that was a huge step forward. One of many toward physical healing.

  I had no clue what I was going to do about my heart.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  After my shower, I dressed in shorts and a tank top. I pulled the soft casts back on and was glad I had the ability.

  I ignored the pain and tried not to hold my breath as I finished pulling myself together.

  Before facing everyone, I decided to stretch out on my bed for a few minutes to get my emotions under control.

  My body shut down from the stressful day. I never made it to dinner.

  In the middle of the night, I woke on the floor of my bedroom again. Covered in sweat, my last scream trailed away as I opened my eyes and blinked in pain and confusion.

  Padme held my head as tears slipped over her cheeks. “Hey,” she said brokenly. “It’s okay, Ellie. It’s okay.”

  My throat was raw when I swallowed. I tried to sit up but the pain cranked high and sharp. I couldn’t keep from crying out.

  Strong arms slipped under my body and lifted me off the floor. A low whine escaped as my bones and muscles adjusted.

  As one of the Hydes straightened, the other wiped my face with a cool cloth. I was placed carefully on my bed and Padme covered me with a light blanket.

  Most of my bedding was gone.

  She bent over me. “Are you alright?”

  “No. I guess not,” I told her honestly. “I…leave a light on. I’ll figure it out in the morning. I’m sorry I woke everyone.”

  My assistant was emotional as she gathered the wild tangles of my hair and quickly plaited a braid.

  “Can I get you some tea, Ellie?” I shook my head. She brushed her fingers over my cheek and left the room.

  The Hydes turned to follow and I whispered, “Thank you.”

  I thought one made a small keening sound and the other said, “You’re welcome, Ellie.”