Obsession: The Hollow Universe Read online

When I moved into the penthouse in LA after my first attack, it was something of a culture shock.

  I’d lived around trained men all my life but none of them slept across the hall from me every night.

  Having a man like Hyde sleep near me was…distracting.

  I was young and ignorant when it came to the opposite sex. My body wanted him, my mind had no idea how to make that happen. Not that I’d have the necessary confidence to act even if I did know anything about sex or relationships.

  A few weeks into the new living arrangement, I heard the bathroom shower in the main hall as I headed back to my room with a glass of milk.

  When I passed, I realized the door was open slightly. Reflected in the large mirror over the sink was Hyde’s back and muscular ass beneath the water.

  My hand tightened on the glass I held and I stopped. Thankful for the clear enclosure, I watched the play of muscle as he washed his hair.

  It was wrong to watch him when he wasn’t aware and I knew I should look away.

  I tensed to take a step but froze again as he leaned against the shower wall on his forearm and stroked his hand down his abs to fist his cock. Every cell in my body sparked to life and I realized only an outside force could have moved me.

  I was incapable on my own.

  I’d never seen anything so sensual, so raw, and I was spellbound. For several minutes, I watched him stroke the shaft with long pulls and saw when he neared orgasm.

  I watched his body tense, his legs lock, his motions speed up as semen spattered to the floor of the shower. His head dropped back on his shoulders and his rough exhale echoed through the small room.

  My own breathing was too fast and my heart felt like it could slam through my chest at any moment.

  As he straightened, I slid along the wall to my bedroom, ashamed and afraid of being caught doing something so invasive of another person’s privacy.

  Beneath the covers, those thoughts abandoned me and I touched myself everywhere, remembering.

  * * *

  Coming awake after all that happened, the dream dissipated and left me aching for touch.

  I thought back on that night and the ripple effect it had on my life. The next day, I started writing my first book.

  The initial plot was about a gorgeous but deadly mercenary with a soft spot for a woman who ran a dog rescue organization.

  Filled with action, near-death experiences, and sex scenes I researched to get right, I didn’t think it was very good.

  I didn’t write it for other people to read at first but to relieve my own stress. It was my secret pleasure to fantasize about my beautiful bodyguard in ways that wouldn’t happen in real life.

  It sold more copies than I believed possible and I never revealed myself to readers…or to my own staff.

  Sighing heavily, I gently petted my dog until I drifted back to sleep. I didn’t bother wiping away my tears for all that was lost and all that would never be.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  September 2014

  It felt disloyal not to miss my parents over the next week but it gave me a much-needed chance to get the pain under control.

  Between meditation, holistic creams that Bianca rubbed gently into healing ligaments and tendons, and a little more sleep, I felt as if I could think again.

  Not perfect but certainly better.

  Every day, I slept too much during the day and usually woke before dawn to nightmares my team had to help me recover from but I decided not to fight it.

  I stopped trying to go back to sleep and started my day.

  As slow as I was typing, I was surprised at how much I was getting done. It was a quiet story, painful in so many ways, and often made me cry as I purged it from my mind.

  Forgetting Hyde’s presence because he could remain still and silent for so long, I had more than a few breakdowns in front of him without thinking.

  The writing was good for me, almost therapeutic, and the tears seemed to ease much of my anxiety the rest of the day.

  During my sessions, Padme would appear silently with tissues, tea, or snacks. Several times during the day, she attached Diva’s leash and took her for a walk.

  Fiaaz exercised my beautiful Sarafina regularly. He rode her beneath my window so I could watch my mare respond to the training she learned as a colt.

  A woman named Addison Hauser trained all our horses and didn’t charge nearly enough for her skills as far as I was concerned. She specialized in Native American techniques using the legs to guide rather than yanking on the reins or using crops. It was better for the horses and the riders.

  I missed riding but seeing the care my driver and fellow equestrian took with her made me feel immensely better.

  Si cooked my favorite meals and legitimately worked to fatten me up after all the weight I lost in the hospital. If I ate more of something than usual, he cheerfully pressed second helpings on me.

  It was good to have the men and women I trusted gathered at meals together and it made me miss my own home.

  Conversation was stilted, awkward even, but we pushed through it. The Hydes assumed places on either side of my chair and the rest of my staff worked to keep me distracted from a situation I was clearly struggling to adapt to.

  For the most part, I tried to behave as if nothing had changed, nothing of importance had occurred.

  It ate me alive on the inside.

  My security detail were the only friends I had in my daily life and I wanted to care for them as they’d always cared for me. I might be a job to them but to me, they were family.

  * * *

  Each morning, I had evaluations with Theresa. She checked my mobility and vitals.

  During my appointments, Padme and Bianca kept her hapless assistant from getting too close. Adam didn’t always respect boundaries and every member of my detail disliked him.

  I tried to be polite but he annoyed me.

  The doctor monitored my pregnancy diligently and confirmed that my blood work remained excellent.

  More than a month after returning home, I finally ditched the soft casts. My bones were healed but the damage to joints, muscles, and soft tissues required more time.

  The pain was no longer an enemy to defeat but a dogged companion I made peace with through meditation.

  As I rebuilt the strength in my left side, I used a cane. I was glad to be upright again, even if I moved too slow for my liking.

  Breakfast was eaten downstairs with my parents whenever they were home and any guests they had visiting.

  The argument with my mother gradually faded into a new sense of mutual respect. She stopped questioning my choices and made appointments through Padme to visit with me around my physical therapy routine.

  Hyde was my constant shadow and I appreciated when other members of my team were around as a sort of buffer between us.

  The biggest adjustment was having double the visual distraction, writing inspiration, and overall protectiveness that had always been a hallmark of my personal bodyguard.

  It took me years to adapt to one Hyde.

  Then there was the love I felt for the two men my mind understood to be separate but my heart judged as equal.

  I didn’t know which of them saved me on that path in college, who comforted me after Preston’s death, who took two bullets meant for me during a gala, or who rode the rollercoaster at my side.

  I wasn’t certain which Hyde brother was with me as I wandered the streets of New York or who danced with me at Trois the night I knew I couldn’t keep pretending my love for him could stay in a box.

  Many of the most important moments in my life included Hyde and it didn’t matter that there were two of them because one of them had always been with me.

  At my side as a steady source of strength.

  I knew it was Jordan who was shot and almost died as he was airlifted to another hospital in Dallas. I knew it was Jonas who was tortured mentally and physically during my attack.

  Only that horrific day had name
s to attach. The ugliness, the brutality that could have resulted in all our deaths.

  It made me angry not to know who was with me in the moments I cherished, that I thought about often, that made me smile.

  In each of those memories, there was only Hyde.

  That was the wall I hit repeatedly and I didn’t know how to bust through it. Once again, I was awkward and shy around men who knew me…but I was no longer sure I knew them.

  * * *

  I embraced physical therapy with a vengeance, determined to get my independence back. I endured hours with the therapist until I wanted to kill myself from the pain.

  I was scheduled for two hours but insisted on four. The sooner I was back on my feet, the better, but there were times I could barely sit up in my chair.

  Theresa insisted on massages after each PT session but the man hired to deliver them was caught trying to take a photo of my naked body.

  Padme dragged him from the room by his hair as she cursed at him in what I thought was German.

  Her reaction was nothing compared to the Hydes.

  The house staff descended on the scene, alerted by the man’s hysterical screams. It took several men to pull the massage therapist from the Hydes’ grip. They shoved him toward the exit as others piled on the twins to restrain them.

  Scrambling off the table and wrapping myself in a sheet, I made my way as quickly as I could to the door.

  I watched in disbelief as Fiaaz, Si, and four of the house security team tried to restrain my bodyguards while the creep was forcefully removed. The brothers were enraged.

  “Let them up,” I said the moment I took in the scene. Fiaaz and Si stepped back immediately but the members of the house detail hesitated. “I said release them. Now.”

  The house staff loosened their grip and the Hydes immediately bound to their feet. The twins took a single step toward the front of the house where the therapist could still be heard crying and yelling.

  “Stop.” The single word from me was all it took for them to freeze. They pivoted on their heels to face me. “He’s gone and he didn’t get what he came for. That idiot doesn’t matter. Are you both alright?”

  In an unconsciously coordinated movement, they raked their hands through their blonde hair and walked to me. They stood shoulder to shoulder and I frowned.

  Glancing down, I realized they were blocking me from view of the men assigned to the estate. The opening of the sheet revealed a sliver of my skin from hip to toe.

  Gathering the fabric more snugly to me, I murmured, “Are you alright?” They nodded but didn’t speak. “I’ll get dressed.”

  “Wait.” Bianca came down the hall at a casual jog. “I made sure the twerp was scared shitless before the house team bodily threw him in his car. You need a massage. Your physical therapy is brutal.”

  “It’s okay…”

  “Get in there, toga girl. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve posed as a masseuse,” she said with a wink. “I’ve already seen your naked ass a hundred times so hustle.”

  Chuckling with a small blush, I nodded. The brothers gave me a final look before taking up positions on either side of the door. Padme closed it with a whistle.

  “Stupid little shit. You get his plate?” Bianca nodded. “We can’t kill too many people. Where will we hide the bodies? That was damn close.”

  My mind reflected on the way the Hydes looked in defense mode.

  Sigh worthy.

  Soft music, aromatherapy, and Bianca’s skilled hands put me out like a light.

  * * *

  Twice a week, I met with my parents in their joint office on the first floor. Padme joined us and Hyde stood inside the door while they reviewed business matters with me.

  I fell comfortably back into my position as the president of my parents’ charitable organization. My assistant from our Dallas headquarters drove out regularly to go over important papers and get my signature on dozens of documents.

  After one such meeting that lasted well after dark, I practically stumbled back to my apartment. I’d been going for eighteen hours and with physical therapy, I was wiped out.

  I tripped getting out of the elevator and Hyde caught me carefully. He carried me into my room and deposited me in my bed fully clothed.

  “You’re going too hard, Ellie. Let’s slow it down for a few days.” Jonas took off my sneakers and Jordan pulled the blankets to my chin. “Rest. Come, Diva.”

  My dog settled beside me, I petted her once, and dropped off the edge of the world.

  * * *

  The next day, my team arranged for me to take the entire day off. As motivation, Thaddeus and Sarah’s son was delivered to the house.

  Cameron and I held a video game marathon and tried to outdo each other on the funniest YouTube videos we could find.

  We watched ridiculous movies while Cook loaded us up on snacks and ice cream.

  Hyde stayed on either side of the door to ensure a day of relaxation.

  Cameron was easy to be around. He had no expectations more than a companion to play with. He could make me laugh until I was in tears.

  In return, I made him laugh until he spewed soda out of his nose. It was great. It was a break from my life.

  My charmed and painfully lonely life.

  That night, I shyly thanked my team for a much-needed day of fun and no thinking. I took a long soak and turned in early.

  I felt better but it didn’t stop the nightmares that were steadily getting worse. It was usually Padme who woke me and Hyde who prevented me from hurting myself.

  That I continued to consider two men with one name was probably a sign of mental deterioration.

  It was impossible to tell them apart again once Jordan no longer needed the sling for his arm.

  Everyone was careful not to touch me more than necessary but helped me when I woke the other inhabitants of my space screaming from the horror I faced when I closed my eyes.

  The physical therapy became a demon I used to exhaust my brain for a dreamless sleep.

  It didn’t work but I pushed anyway.

  A member of my team went to Theresa about the safety of the baby, which I stupidly hadn’t considered might be at risk.

  She was stunned to learn the level of therapy I was putting my body through and promptly cut back my exercises and the amount of time I could work out.

  It was firmly suggested I use the indoor pool and swim laps to avoid too much strain on my body.

  So, I swam.

  Lap after lap after lap, until I could barely lift my arms. One of the Hyde brothers swam every single lap with me.

  The other usually had to help me from the pool. On a day I had to be fully lifted from the water to the bench that ran beside it, he whispered, “Be gentle with yourself, Ellie.”

  Other than an embarrassed nod, I couldn’t respond.

  The days passed and I insulated myself as much as I could despite being around people twenty-four hours a day.

  My pregnancy wasn’t acknowledged openly but it was obvious everyone on the estate knew by the way they watched out for me. I never talked about the baby if it could be avoided but I talked to my baby about many positive things every day.

  I made purchases and piled the boxes up in the connected room I planned to use as a nursery when it was time.

  At the beginning of October, I pulled on a pair of my favorite jeans and couldn’t snap them.

  Overnight, I had a belly. I was a bit more than four months along. Wearing nothing but a bra and panties, I turned to the side to see my profile in the full-length mirror.

  There it was.

  A gentle rounding that wasn’t evident the day before. My breasts seemed heavier.

  I called my mom and she crashed into my room like the Gestapo ten minutes later. The Hydes stood behind her with weapons drawn, uncertain what was happening.

  I sat on my bed in yoga pants and a bulky t-shirt. “Alright, Mom…now what?”

  My mom hugged me and said, “I’ll take
care of everything.”

  She spent a long time staring at my reflection with tears in her eyes. She practically glowed with happiness.

  I love how much she loves me.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  October 2014

  A few days later, I sat in the small back garden off the kitchen, reading in the shade. The stretchy leggings and flowy tank top were gifts from my mom. They were so soft, it didn’t feel like I was wearing anything.

  My sandals were…somewhere.

  Hyde stood behind me despite my suggestion that they sit and be comfortable. Padme sat beside me working on her iPad.

  It was peaceful and quiet with a gentle breeze blowing through the low-walled hideaway no one ever used but Cook.

  Of the many gardens the estate offered, this one was like a hideaway only I knew about.

  Since I was little, it was my favorite place to read.

  I felt the strangest crawling sensation and jumped off the chair, totally freaked out. My book on the ground, arms patting myself frantically, my staff tried to figure out what was wrong.

  Padme assumed a bug was crawling on me and walked around me, brushing at my clothes.

  Then it happened again and I was speechless. I suddenly realized what it was the second time and went still.

  My assistant’s eyes went from my face to my belly and back again. “Did you feel the baby move for the first time?”

  I couldn’t answer, couldn’t think.

  In that moment, I fully understood there was a baby in there. A small human being incubating in my belly that was depending on me to love and protect it.

  I tried to speak but words wouldn’t come.

  Padme sent a text to my mom. The Hydes stood behind me and I couldn’t bring myself to look at their faces. I wasn’t sure what I’d see there.

  I was showing. The baby was moving.

  Everyone was going to know now. People would talk about it. I wasn’t ashamed of the baby, I was ashamed of the method by which I’d become pregnant.

  Though Hyde didn’t know how I felt, I found it difficult to face the man – men – I was in love with carrying the product of my gang-rape.

  Strangely, I felt as if I’d done something wrong, betrayed them somehow. On a logical level, I knew my thoughts were stupid and irrational but I couldn’t seem to help it.